When I was young I used to pray for a bike.
Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
I am a registered ordained minister (non-profit and non-prophet). ... no, really: Give me your money. To make sure you are *absolutely certain* that I am telling the truth, here is a copy of my official, completely-not-cheesy ordainment certificate. My denomination is ``laodicean pantheistic,'' which I made up. If you can think of a cooler name for a denomination, tell me and I'll change it. If you'd like to join my denomination -- okay! you're in! Go forth and proselytize.... just be sure to mail me my 10%.